Thingzzzzzz’s Sexiest Man of the Day:

Thingzzzzzz says:

I’m not your typical queer, where I gasp at every musical or Britney showtune (but, bitch knows her music). Thus, it came as much as a shock to me as you, when a friend had me hooked on the newest gay iconic recruiting show: “GLEE”

I was captivated somewhere between the swapping of neonatal vitamins and the football teams SPOT-ON reenactment of “Single Ladies”.

But, I digress…

My eyes feasted on this stereotypical jock with his mohawk and his knocking up presidents of the chastity club, but needless to say, i feel for him. Yeah, I like assholes (pardon the pun)

Enter: Mark Salling

27 year old, Texan native, who plays Noah ‘Puck’ on the hit show GLEE (perhaps a shakespeare allusion?). Although Wikipedia doesn’t know much about him, he has his own band (already throwing my manties up in cheer), and he seems pretty accomplished after attending a prestigious art school in L.A.

All I’m going to say, is that if I were president of the chastity club, I would let him get me pregnant too. Maybe more than once.

P.R. Update

In case you haven’t been keeping up with the latest season of “Project Runway”, you will have definitely missed some memorable moments and new cast members.

Firstly, if you’re still sitting on your couch, watching BRAVO on Wednesday nights–you’re wasting your time. PR has recently changed nights and stations. You can now find PR on LIFETIME on Thursday nights. I opt to believe they’ve made the changes to keep the gays on their feet. They were getting a little to complacent.

Blonde Amazon straight from the Rhineland, Heidi Klum, hosts the season and is accompanied by gay harem: Tim Gunn, Michael Kors (say ‘aesthetic’ one more time and I’ll jump through the TV and strangle you), Nina Garcia (pretty sure she’s a post op tranny, who has yet to pick up English fluency), and a gaggle of other guests judges like: Lindsay Lohan (train wreck), Eva Longoria (popularized the term ‘gimmicky), Tommy Hilfiger (throwing out designer names to remind people he actually has class–IRONY), and some other bitch from Marie Claire (which no one reads anymore).

This season the cast includes:

-girl who is already kicked off and creates weird outfits that are eco-friendly and can double as chair covers

-Bob Marley look alike

-Weird Russian with super round face and scarecrow hair

-tall glamazon who wears four inch heels

-recovering druggie who has to remind us that he was a coke whore on every show

-and then, of course, about 11 gay guys–hands propped on hip, snapping fingers, proving that once again, gay men know how to dress women better than women themselves.

Thingzzzzzz says:

Men dressing women perpetuates a negative gender stereotype where women fall, yet again, into a role of being told what to do by men. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Adrienne Rich.

I also say,  stayed tuned for more exciting challenges. I love it when Tim Gunn cries and when judges actually look to Heidi for something insightful to say.

I’ve also heard they get to design an outfit for Christina Aguilera–I bet it will be DIIIRRRTY.

she's pretty cute for a neo-nazi

Inappropriate Joke? I think not.

University of Tennessee basketball coach, made a lewd comment this week that referred to the KKK.

It went something along the lines of the following:

I got to tell you,” Pearl said to the crowd of federal employees, “I’ve got a tough job. I’ve got such a diverse group. I’ve got guys from Detroit and Chicago, from the hood and then I’ve got guys from Grainger County, where they wear the hood.”

Afterwards, coach Pearl was pressured by the school to apologize and retract said comment.

Thingzzzzzz says:

C’MON PEOPLE, that’s fucking hysterical. It refuses to perpetuate stereotypes that basketball coaches and athletes are dumb jocks. Dumb jocks couldn’t identify or create a pun if they paid their asian tutors to come up with one for them.

It probably doesn’t help, too, that the UT mascot is a flaming cross set on the lawn of an unsuspecting family’s front lawn.

God dammit, Washington State

While staying apprised on current events, I came across an unbearably frightening article about a clinically insane murderer/ex-con, who escaped Thursday afternoon. How did he escape? No, it wasn’t by digging his way with plastic spoons, evading the guards, and booking it to Canada. Instead, the con–Phillip Paul–was attending a state fair.

Paul had been imprisoned at a mental institution in Spokane, Washington after being convicted (and pleading guilty) of murdering a community activist. Why? Paul purports that she was a witch. (Yeah, I can’t make this shit up) So, he did what anyone would do if they suspected a witch abrewin’ next door. He slit her throat and then sacrificed a deer. (who is really the witch, then?)

So, Spokane, this is one uh-oh moment that really makes you wonder what the fuck goes on up there in the American Northwest. Paul is still at-large but I’d put my money on him going huntin’ for some more witches.

Git-r-done Paul. Theyz be ruinin’ our societay. It’s not poor leadership or corrupt government officials or economic crises, it be dem witches.

Caveat: If you are a witch, I suggest you take extra security measurements to lock your doors. This mothafucka’s comin for ya.

READ IT YOURSELF: Witch Huntin\’

He's a getchu

Tool Academy

After a long week of work, nothing excites me more than turning on the television to complete asinine drivel. Enter “Tool Academy”.

If you haven’t seen this marvelous display of tomfoolery and utter bullshit, you too will be surprised why this show has not won an emmy and is in its second season.

To recap: 12 women bring their tool boyfriends. A tool boyfriend is a boy masquerading as a man, who not only bad mouths his girlfriend, but also cheats on her and treats her like shit. These guys (using the term loosely) range in ages, ethnicities, and personality types but what they all have in common is that they are all fucking douche bags that should have been aborted at birth.

Now, these guys are terrible, but their girlfriends are worst. We are made to believe they are victims–and they are–it just makes one wonder what a tool boyfriend would have to do for you to break up with him. One girl has caught her boyfriend cheating on her, in their communal bed, three times. Not once, not twice, but three. Isn’t the old saying, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. What is fool me three times? You’re a fucking pushover? Or then do you deserve what you continue to endure?

Most of the girls also declare that if Tool Academy doesn’t work, then THAT is the final straw. Not only do the viewers agree that your boyfriends are fucking disgraces as human beings, but we also agree that you’re pretty dumb bitches for continuing to put up with their shit.

Should the show be called: Super Dumb Cunts? Because, that sounds more appropriate.

Should we instate euthanasia?

“I think I’m going to come.”

Anyone who has flipped through a fashion magazine recently, has noticed the newest D&G  fragrance ad.

I have few words and so many emotions for this ad, all of which make me blow a giant load in my pants. I pardon the grotesque image, but the following should make up for it:

OH, MY. GOD.

Teaching 101

As an aspiring educator that hopes to corrupt tomorrow’s youth, today, I have the distinct pleasure of dealing with ornery, apathetic, and unbelievably moronic teenagers.

Let me share some wonderful insights with you:

Today’s generation is so dependent on text language that butterfly not longer has two t’s. They no longer can differentiate between their, there, or they’re. It is appropriate to write on an in-class essay: 2mora, u (you), 4 (for), and r (for both are and our).

Some kids also have issues with authority:

Me: That’s not your correct seat.

Punk ass bitch: I don’t want to sit back thur.

Me: I didn’t ask if you wanted to. That’s the seating chart.

PAB: THIS SEATING CHART SUCKS BALLS.

Me: Sorry that couldn’t be more favorable for you

(later)

Me: PAB, do you have your essay?

PAB: I need to print it. Can I go now?

Me: We went over the first day that it needs to be printed before class or at home.

PAB: I dont’ own a printer.

Me: You can print in the library for free.

PAB: I don’t know where that is.

Me: You’re a senior.

PAB: so…

Me: Well, you can’t go now. we’re having class. You know the rules.

PAB: ARE YOU CALLING ME POOR?

Me: blank stare. Pardon?

PAB: THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT, I’M GOING TO GUIDANCE.

Me: K then, see you later.

Facebook is stupid

A recent survey states that the number of facebook members has almost reached the population of the United States. I’m not sure if that’s bad or just really sad.

As an innate hypocrite, I am alerted about every five seconds by someone else’s facebook status. For those that feel the need to update more than once a day, you seriously need a fucking life and I don’t give a shit that your Mom thinks you’re a cunt or that you’re tired. I don’t wake up every morning and think to myself, I NEED to know every little fact that is going on in blah blah’s life. I also intensely hate those facebook friends that feel the need to indoctrinate you into their political views. Okay, so since high school we’ve all changed, but in way does that mean I want to cart my ass to Cornell to hear your rogue anarchist bullshit about the socialist cause and the rise to juvenile independence against this current political regime. More notably, your old friends just think you’ve turned into a fucking freak and ignore every single thing that you send. By the way, I meant to tell you that you had absolutely AWFUL b.o. in high school, I hope Cornell educated you enough to invest in some deodorant.

Conversely, I happened across this perfect gem of a facebook status. I have such appreciate for collegehumor.com. Sure most of it is bullshit, but the following could not be more spot on.

P.S. SUCK IT FACEBOOK, YOU’RE A CUNT

facebook at its finest

Bitch said what?

Yes, I’m back from hiatus. 50 pounds heavier, more acerbic, and aspiring for domestic greatness. Don’t worry Aunt Jemima, I’m doing fine, the rash went away, and the pregnancy was a false positive.

BUT i digress,

While keeping up with current events, as I try to do as often as I possible, I came across the recently devastating article about the vicious murder of Annie Le.

So allegedly, this guy, Raymond blah blah the third, murdered her and stuffed her in a wall. (Sidebar: one of my students today shouted, “that killer is a genius!”, not only to my shock but to the hysterical response of his classmates–and he wonders why mommy and daddy don’t love him anymore)

the interesting thing about the article is not that this raymond fellow is a vicious killer but CNN interviewed a colleague of his and the ONLY thing she could talk about was his relationship with his dog.

Neighbor Ashley Rowe described Clark as “decent” and said he asked a lot of questions when he spoke to people and wanted to know their full names and where they were from.

Rowe also remembered the first time she met his dog.

“His dog was very excited and he was just like, ‘Oh, don’t worry. He’s friendly.’ You could pet him,” she said. “Pretty much, he just loved his dog and he walked around with his dog all the time.”

Uh, that’s all you remember about him? That also qualifies him as a good person? But, Rowe does have merit..no one I know who is close with his/her dog has carefully murdered an asian girl and stuffed her in a wall. Oh wait, THAT HAS NO MERIT WHATSOEVER.

CNN is clearly scrapping the bottom of the barrel. For shame.

Some people have all the Luck

While procrastinating at work (you could hear a pin drop) I happened across a yahoo! article about this 16-baseball sensation from Nevada.

Not only is he 6′3 but he is, as suggested by sports people, going to be the best baseball player to ever live. He plays better than most Al-Stars now and he’s only a sophomore in high school.

To top it all off, he’s unfucking believably adorableand probably will be wildly famous and rich and fawned over.

If there was any justice in the world, he would be extcruciatingly impotent.

On a completely unrelated note, I think I’m in love. You probably don’t know him, he’s this 16-year-old baseball phenom from Nevada. I think we’re going to be very happy together. It’s not illegal if it’s consensual.

f my life